


More Than You Could Ever Know

by Magnetism_bind



Category: Black Sails
Genre: All Silver wants for Christmas is Flint, Christmas, Complicated Relationships, Falling In Love, Figuring shit out, Happy Ending, Hope, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Modern Era, Multi, Oral Sex, Polyamory Negotiations, Sex, Sweaters, Thomas is a good boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:53:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21947614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magnetism_bind/pseuds/Magnetism_bind
Summary: Written for the Silverflint Holiday Challenge - All I Want For Christmas Is YouAfter Silver's confession, Flint tries to figure out what to do next.
Relationships: Captain Flint | James McGraw/John Silver, Captain Flint | James McGraw/Thomas Hamilton
Comments: 2
Kudos: 59





	More Than You Could Ever Know

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to I Keep My Distance, etc etc. Merry Christmas! :P

_Christmas Eve morning_

Flint stands there on the doorstep watching Silver until he’s completely gone from sight. He's dimly aware of the cold, all he can think of is what Silver just said. _Stupid as it is, I love you._ There’s an odd roaring in his ears and he feels almost sick to his stomach. Silver loves him and he just let him go. 

"James?" Thomas says. "Come in out of the cold."

"Right." Flint says. That seems sensible. It is Christmas Eve after all. They had been about to have breakfast. Or something. Dimly he remembers that he set his tea down somewhere. He closes the door and finds the mug on the hall table and goes back into the kitchen to make a fresh pot.

"James. _James."_

"Hmm?" Flint looks up.

"You've just added ten spoonfuls of tea to the kettle." Thomas looks at him with concern. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. I..." Flint sighs. "I..." He leans against the counter, folding his arms across his chest. “No.” No, he’s not all right. Thomas heard Silver too for pete’s sake. Flint can’t pretend that didn’t just happen. I mean, he can, technically. He’s just not sure it will work this time.

Thomas simply stands there, looking at him. He was there, he heard it all and Flint just _...can't_....

"What are you going to do?" 

Flint blinks. "What?" What sort of question is that? He's here. It doesn't matter what Silver just said, does it? 

Thomas stares at him. "He just gave you a whole speech about how he loves you, how he _has_ loved you for three years and all you can say is what?”

"What of it?" Flint hates how bitter his voice sounds but he can't help it. "He loved me and he still _left_ three years ago."

Thomas shrugs. "What did you expect?" 

"What?" Flint looks at him sharply. 

"It was just a temporary thing as far as he knew. He didn't have any reassurance. Why would you blame him for taking the opportunity of going on tour when you didn’t give him any reason to stay?”

"I didn't blame him." Flint protests. (That was a lie.) "Why are you taking his side?" What was even happening here? 

"Because you seem determined to act as though nothing just happened." Thomas says, exasperatedly. "And that's not the truth of it." 

"What does it matter?" Flint says. “What’s the point in discussing it when…” _When I can’t have him_ , his brain says. _What does any of it matter if I can’t have him? What good does it do to acknowledge it?_ It’s the thought that’s been echoing in his head for the last three years. He knows that much now.

"What does it matter?” Thomas stares at him incredulously. "How can you say that?"

"What do you want me to do? What do you _expect_ me to do?" Flint stares back at him. "I'm not going to end a relationship we’ve had for ten years, over…an, an affair that..." Again he falters, the use of affair tasting foul in his mouth. But it would be insanity to end something that truly mattered over something that had only lasted a few months. 

"I never said you had to." Thomas says in a measured voice. 

That stops Flint cold. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean..." Thomas sighs. "This is probably a conversation we should have had a long time ago."

Flint turns and busies himself with the kettle, finally dumping out the overly strong tea and starts to measure a fresh pot all over again. 

"James...” Thomas’s tone is more than careful now as though he knows he’s walking through a landmine. “When I suggested that we see other people when we were apart...did you really never consider that it might come to something like this?"

"Something like what." Flint focuses on the kettle, wishing it would boil faster.

"Something like one of us meeting someone that turned into something that we wanted to be more." Thomas says softly.

"No." Flint says honestly. "I didn't." Nor had he wanted that. He had been content in their relationship. And yet, when Thomas had suggested the arrangement, he _had_ been surprisingly open to it. _Doesn't that mean something?_ his heart whispers to him. _Doesn't it?_ But what he doesn't quite know.

"Oh." Thomas says. "So it's out of the question then? Developing feelings for someone else?" He asks this as though it's a theoretical question, not a quandary that's been haunting Flint's dreams for the last few weeks now.

"I..." now Flint's at an utter lost. "What do you want me to say?" He doesn't know. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do here. What's the right answer? 

"I want you to tell me what you're feeling." Thomas looks perplexed at the answer. "I want you to be honest with me. I always want you to be honest with me. I thought that was understood."

"Well, how can I be honest with you when I'm not even being honest with myself." Flint mutters.

At that Thomas leans back against the opposite counter and just waits.

At last Flint sighs and says, "There's something... _there_ regarding Silver, but I haven't let myself probe too deeply." He glances down momentarily then forces his gaze upwards again. Thomas deserves to be told this, to be looked at when he's telling it. "For fear of what it means."

Thomas hesitates. "Do you want to end our relationship?"

"No!" Flint tells him immediately. "I never wanted you to think that. I don’t want that. I don't want to end it." 

There's relief in Thomas's eyes and Flint crosses the room and kisses him softly, just resting his hands on Thomas's shoulders. Flint doesn’t say anything, just squeezes his shoulders.

"But you do feel something for Silver." Thomas says quietly. 

It’s not a question but Flint answers it anyway. 

"Yes." Flint breathes. “Yes. I do.”

* * *

The whistling of the kettle jolts them both and they draw apart. Flint pours them both a cup, still not really sure what the fuck is happening here, but maybe just maybe, it’s all right.

"There are a couple things to consider." Thomas says once they both have tea. "For starters, if he hadn't left on tour....would you have ended it with him when I got back?"

"I don't know.” Flint honestly. In theory, yes. He had debated what would happen when Thomas came back, because he'd always known that would happen in the end, but he hadn't come to any set conclusion at the time. Silver had ended it before he had to.

"And another," Thomas says. "Next year I’ll probably be working out of the Berlin office again." He pauses there and for the first time Flint wonders if there's someone in particular there. Someone that Thomas has been hoping to see again. What was that aid worker’s name again…

"So you're saying I can see him when you're gone." Flint doesn’t want that. Doesn’t want something so arranged, all neat and tidily, doesn’t want a boyfriend on the side thank you very much.

"That's not at all what I'm saying." Thomas says patiently. "I'm saying, maybe we need to discuss what that arrangement meant, and what it could mean in the future. And that if there's someone you want to see, or…or…"

"Or someone you want to see." Flint puts in. Now he’s nearly sure of it.

Thomas nods. "Yes." 

"Is that a confirmation?" Flint folds his arms across his chest. 

Thomas hesitates. "There was someone at the Berlin office that I saw during that year, yes. And, she's still working there."

"She?" Flint repeats. 

"Miranda. I told you about her." 

"Oh." Flint pauses then. "She's come to London since then." He definitely remembers Thomas going to dinner with a friend from the Berlin office. 

"Yes, we've caught up once or twice." Thomas looks at him. "Just drinks."

"Okay." Flint says slowly. "So you're saying you want to see Miranda again next year?"

"Yes, and maybe this year, if she's in London again." Thomas says. "I want...I want us both to be happy."

Flint looks pained. "I thought we were happy."

"We are.” Thomas reassures him. “I am, but, James, can you truly say you haven't missed Silver these last three years? That you haven't wondered how he is, or where he was, or whether he was with someone?" 

"Of course not." Flint begins. "But...I thought..." He hadn't really thought through the implications of the arrangement when it started. and now here they are, all tangled up in a mess.

Thomas goes over to him, putting his arms around Flint’s waist. "I’m so sorry, darling. I wanted to talk about this. I was waiting for the right moment. Silver sort of brought things to a head."

"He has a way of doing that." Flint mutters.

Thomas’s embrace tightens around him. "We don't have to do this. Nothing's written in stone. But just tell me, that you don't feel anything for Silver before we close that door entirely."

Flint looks down. 'You know I can't do that." He can't lie to Thomas, not about this. And from the way Thomas spoke, clearly he doesn’t want to close that door either. 

"I know." Thomas murmurs. "I do love you so very much, my love." He leans in and kisses Flint softly on the lips.

* * *

Silver sits backstage in his dressing room, drumming his fingers on the dressing table. He’s prepared for the concert, he is. But all the same, he keeps returning that morning. He still can’t believe that he’d done that. His hands had been shaking when he went up to the door. What right did he have to go invade their happy little home like that? To stand on their doorstep and say those words? And yet something obstinate had hardened inside his chest and refused to let it end without telling Flint how he really felt. He hadn’t told him the first time, no, instead he had run away, fled the country even. Half because he’d been terrified by the depths of his own feelings and half because even then he had already known that Flint could never be his. He’d been lucky to just get some time with him, but it wasn’t enough. Silver had wanted more.

He'd thought that night at the hotel – _last night_ , his brain supplies, _it was just last night_. It feels like a hundred years have passed since then. But last night after Flint had simply said, ‘I can’t,’ something inside him had cracked at those words. 

Afterwards he couldn’t stay in the empty suite. He had gone out to join the others, to immerse himself in noise and laughter and alcohol, to sit surrounded by people and not think about anything for a little while because there’s nothing to think about after all. It was over.

The song came on then, and Silver grits his teeth as the others all join in a chorus of cheers. That fucking song. They had given him a choice of songs to sing for the Christmas competition and he had chosen that one. Why? For Flint of course and look where it had gotten him. 

“Cheer up.” Madi nudges him. “You look like you really did give your heart away.”

“I did.” Silver reaches for his pint glass. 

“Oh.” Madi sits back and looks at him, and then nods. “Right, Flint.”

Silver nods. He had told her the story sometime halfway through their first tour right after she had joined the band. Something had clicked and they had briefly gotten together, but then they’d both realized that what really worked between them was songwriting, not sex. She was the only one who knew the truth behind most of his songs.

“And….” Madi looks at him expectantly. 

“And he doesn’t want me back, or he thinks it’s not worth it, or something I have no fucking clue.” He finishes his drink and sets the glass down again. He wants another and signals to the waiter. 

“Would you do it again?” Madi asks, looking at her own drink thoughtfully.

“What?”

“If you had the choice, would you do it again?”

He doesn’t want to answer, because it’s stupid, it’s stupid to be caught up in someone like this, to have put these emotions out there in the world because of one person. 

“Yes.” 

“Mmmmm.” Madi takes a sip of her drink. “Still sounds like someone special then.”

Silver sighs. “It’s not...” he doesn’t know what he’s even trying to say at this point so he gives up. 

But he can’t stop thinking about it, no matter how late it gets and he should be asleep, not thinking about this, but he is. Normally he would be working on music when he can’t sleep. But not tonight. 

He does write something though and in the morning, he had known what to do with it. 

Silver blinks, still processing the fact that what he had written last night had translated into a confession of love and just this morning he had poured his whole fucking heart out like a fool, and yet, he does feel lighter somehow. He’d told Flint the truth, told him how much it matters, told him that he had loved him right in front of his boyfriend no less.

Frankly Thomas had seemed amused more than annoyed. Yet not amused in the superior ‘he’s mine and you can’t have him’ manner that Silver had often imagined. No, it was more like he wasn’t surprised by what was going on.

Silver leans forward, rubbing his hands over his eyes. Christ, he was so exhausted. All he wanted was for the concert to be finished so he could go back to the hotel and sleep. Actually what he really wanted was for it to be the new year and to know next year’s tour schedule, so he could get away for a few weeks. Somewhere warm, somewhere far away so that he didn’t have to think about Flint.

Technically there was no real reason that he shouldn’t take a flight out tonight. His manager could call him when he got the tour schedule. He could book a ticket right now. He reaches for his phone and starts looking at flights. 

* * *

At home Flint’s still trying to work out the logistics even though Thomas has said repeatedly that he should be on his way to go talk to Silver already. It’s late afternoon by then and the snow is still falling in soft silent waves. They’re drinking coffee now because Thomas needed it.

“He wouldn’t be here all the time.” Flint points out. “Touring and all that.” Things he’s thought about in the past few weeks without any real reason. And then again, Thomas would also be gone at times. Sometimes neither of them might be here.

Thomas just nods. “I know.” He looks at Flint. “And there would be times when I’ll be working away too.”

“I know.” Flint murmurs.

“That’s all right.” Thomas tells him. “If it’s all right with you.”

Flint doesn’t say anything for a while and then he says, “I’m not sure. I thought….about it, in speculation, but I don’t know. Is it really…? Is it okay?”

Thomas leans back in his chair. “You’ll have to decide that, my dear. I can’t help you.”

“You’re truly all right with it.” Flint faces him. Now he’s the one who wants complete honesty here. He wants to know if Thomas truly wants this because it feels like he does, and Flint hates the thought that Thomas has been holding himself back because of him.

Thomas takes a sip of coffee and nods. “I think it works, or I think it can.” His eyes travel over Flint’s face, studying him. “And I confess, I do want it. And I think you want it as well.”

“I…” Flint starts… but he can’t argue with that. He does want to be with Silver, whenever he’s in town. He wants the excitement and the pleasure and the emotion that Silver produces in him, that Silver generates just by being himself. He wants to know him and to wake up next to him some mornings and learn all the things that Silver’s been doing the last three years.

“I think you’ll like him.” Is all he can say for some idiotic reason, and Thomas just smiles.

“I know.” Is what he says, _when I already do_ , is what he means. He likes Silver’s audactity. He takes a sip of coffee.

(Thomas personally has a bet with himself that the three of them will be sleeping together by next Christmas, but he’s going to wait before voicing that opinion aloud.)

Flint sits back. He takes a sip of coffee, thinking of Silver’s face, shivering slightly there on the doorstep as he looks at Flint with such melancholy eyes. There hadn’t even been any hope within them. He hadn’t expected Flint to say anything to make him stay, Flint realizes. That’s what strikes him. Silver had said all that of that without any hope of having it returned, so why had he said it? Why say it, if there wasn’t any hope?

_Because it mattered_.

“Right,” Flint murmurs… “Right.” It’s time to get dressed. He can hardly go make a proclamation of love in his pajamas now, can he?

* * *

"I need a favor." Flint calls the office. "Can you get me a pass to the Holiday Blue concert?” 

"What, seriously?" Jack sounds dubious.

"Yes, seriously." Flint says. It's been a couple years since he covered a concert, not since Silver to be honest...but Jack knows he did. And besides...Flint never asks for favors, unless it's completely necessary. Jack knows that too.

Jack sighs. "It'll be on your desk." 

"Thanks." Flint hangs up. He's still not entirely sure what he's doing, but after Thomas's revelation about Miranda...and the possibility that this could even _be_ a possibility, well...he can't miss this opportunity. Even without knowing what happens next, he can't let Silver just walk out of his life again. Not this time. 

He could try to reach Silver before the concert, but the press backstage pass will only get you so far and as much as he wants to rush off there straight away, he still needs to work on what he'll say. He’ll settle for catching Silver after the concert.

Flint had been aware that Silver's band had gotten bigger. He _had_ , but somehow it still hadn't really registered until the taxi drops him off. There are three other bands playing the concert as well and the crowd outside the venue is quite frankly a mob. Flint struggles through them, avoiding hordes of pre-teen girls and boys. Is this really Silver's demographic? He has no clue who officially listens to his music when it's not Christmas. Maybe they’re here for another band. There are masses of people ranging from twenties to forties as well. He gives up trying to categorize the fans and tries to get close enough to get inside for starters.

Finally he flashes his pass and gets through to the inside but the crowd inside is just as bad. Flint's momentarily distracted by the merch table, which has t-shirts with Silver's profile, curls falling down over his cheek. Is this real? 

He has a momentary hesitation. Can he really go and tell Silver he was wrong? That there is still hope? After letting him walk away that morning like it hadn't even mattered? Can he? Is this what they’re destined to be, back and forth, back and forth, never meeting at the same time, never on the same page? No, it has to be better than that. There has to be a chance for something more. Flint straightens up and starts walking with purpose, firmly bearing down on the crowd and the people part miraculously, as though they know it's a mission of love. 

Backstage the other band members are milling about. There's a festive feel to the air and Flint pauses as he tries to decide his next course of action. The second band is performing now. He looks around, trying to find Silver's dressing room but there are more security guards that way, and the last thing Flint wants is to get thrown out before he even has a chance to speak with Silver.

He can wait.

* * *

He stands there watching in the wings as Silver's band takes their places. Flint recognizes Madi, but she's the only one. The lights go down except the spotlight which is dimmed slightly. And then a figure appears on stage. 

Flint blinks. He hadn't even seen Silver backstage beforehand. Not that he could have spoken to him beforehand, but he'd thought he'd at least have seen him. But instead Silver appears onstage like a phantom.

He's wearing a creamy white sweater and svelte black trousers, with his curls falling over his face like a veil. The music starts low and then Silver sings the first line softer than a whisper and then the spotlight brightens, and he looks up, sweeping his hair back. 

God, he was beautiful. The yearning in Flint's heart knows no boundaries, no time limits. No end and no beginning. 

_'This year_ ,' Silver looks out over the crowds to the vast dark of the December night. _'To save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special.'_ He sings like he's trying to sell himself a dream, that he doesn't even believe there's someone else out there who will take his heart and not crush it into a million shattered pieces. 

_'But if you kiss me now, I know you'll fool me again._ ' Silver's voice soars and catches and falters.

Flint's heart aches in his chest. How is it possible for one solitary voice to contain so much pain, in such a ridiculous song. If he could turn back time, he would run after Silver, catch him before he goes half a dozen steps and tell him he's wrong, he's so wrong. It matters. It mattered then and it matters now.

The song comes to its crushing end and Silver stands there, head bowed. The applause is deafening. He waves to the crowd and there's another answering roar. 

"We're gonna do one of our songs real quick." Silver says into the microphone, "Before we close with another Christmas favorite. Here's Lost Without You.'

Flint doesn't recognize the song. He hasn't kept track of what Silver's done other than that first album he had out three years ago. This one is poignant and aching, and christ, is Silver trying to make everyone sad at Christmas, cause if so he's doing a bangup job.

The chorus in particular catches Flint's ear. 

_you say you don't know_

_you don't know where we'll be_

_months from today_

_a few years from now,_

_where we will be_

_all I know is that I'm lost without you,_

_a world away from you_

_how did I ever walk away_

That's them. Silver fucking put them in a song. It's not like Flint doesn't know that's what happens when you get involved with musicians but at the same time, he never thought it would actually happen.

He feels slightly off-kilter, like everybody knows what happened with them, and yet...that gives him pause, because it was Silver who walked away. Silver who's baring his soul like this. Silver who's letting this vulnerability breathe in the open air.

The song ends and the crowd which had miraculously silenced itself roars its appreciation. Silver blows them a kiss and turns to go over to where he has a water bottle stashed. It's directly opposite where Flint is standing and when Silver looks up, he looks directly at Flint.

He freezes and then mouths 'what are you doing here?' at him and Flint shrugs helplessly. This isn't how he intended this to go, but then he never had a firm plan to begin with.

"I love you." He mouths. "I do."

Silver's still just looking at him, his eyes widen as he watches Flint's mouth. "Seriously?"

Flint nods.

His guitarist, a tall blonde man, takes this moment to sidle over and nudge Silver none too gently in the ribs. Silver blinks as though he's just remembered he's onstage in front of hundreds of people. He looks at Flint and then goes back to the mic.

"This next song..." Silver pauses. "I chose it a while ago because I thought I knew how this Christmas would go, and that there wasn't a chance in hell that I would get what I want. It just goes to show you never know until something happens." He smiles at the crowd, a true, blindingly beautiful smile that makes Flint's breath catch. And then Silver starts singing a familiar refrain and Flint starts laughing, he can't help himself.

_"I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree."_ Silver sings, walking right out to the tip of the stage. “ _All I want for Christmas is you."_

* * *

Flint takes a couple steps back as the rest of the bands go out to all take a group bow and the presenter makes a speech about the charity the proceeds are going to, and then they're all coming off the stage again. 

And at last there's Silver, standing in front of Flint, looking so hopeful that Flint feels like he's been shot. How dare Silver look at him with his eyes like that? It should be illegal.

"When did you write that?" 

"I didn't. Mariah Carey did."

Flint snorts. "You know what I mean. The second song."

"Oh." Silver looks rather uncomfortable. "A few weeks into my US tour." He looks at the ground, shrugging a little. "I knew I'd made a mistake, but I didn't know how to..."

"You could have called me." Flint says gently.

At that Silver looks at him. 'How could I? With Thomas..." He scratches the back of his neck. "For that matter, what about Thomas?"

"What about him?" Flint’s moved in closer without even realizing it. They’re so close and all he wants to do is kiss Silver. He looks at 

"Does he know you're here?"

"Of course." Flint says.

"I don't understand." Silver says, a trifle uncertainly.

Flint looks around. "Is there somewhere we can go to talk?"

"Here." Silver leads them down the hall to the dressing room which is full of the band members who all look at them as they walk through to the next room. Silver closes the door after Flint.

"Now..." Silver begins. 

"I..." Flint says at the same time.

They both laugh awkwardly and Flint takes a step forward. "Thomas thinks we should still see other people."

Silver nods to himself. "Thomas thinks."

Flint frowns slightly. "That's not how I meant it. I mean...we talked about it, and he's thought for a while that it was a good idea."

"Oh." 

Flint draws closer. "And then you came back and I couldn't ignore everything the way I had, the way I have been doing for the last three years." They're close enough that he could reach out and touch Silver. He could lean down and kiss him.

"So what does this mean?" 

"It means I still want you in my life." Flint tells him honestly. "I want you to come over and sleep in my bed. I want to know what you're working on. How many other songs you've written?"

Silver smiles slightly. "So you really never bought my second album?" 

Flint shakes his head. "Forgive me?"

"Ah, wait till you listen to it and then...see how you feel." Silver says.

Flint smiles. "All right." He leans in, his hand drifting up to brush Silver's cheek. "Will you come home with me for Christmas?"

"What about Thomas?" Silver asks again.

"If I come home without you, he'll be very disappointed." 

Silver laughs. "I don't know if I believe that, but I suppose I'll have to trust you."

His laugh sounds warm and true and Finally Flint leans in and kisses him. It starts soft and then Silver moans right into his mouth, hands reaching for Flint like he's been restrained and only now cut free. He pulls Flint closer, gripping his shirt. 

They hit the wall and Flint presses against him, feeling all of Silver, pressing harder, needing more. His hands are in Silver's hair, Silver's hands slide down his back, reaching his butt, pulling him closer. This time Flint doesn't want to stop, but he also doesn't want to come in his pants.

He pulls off with a ragged gasp. "If you're trying to get me back for last night, you're doing a splendid job."

"Good." Silver says, pressing roughly against his crotch.

Flint sucks in a breath and starts kissing him again. They’re panting louder and Flint reaches down to cup Silver through his pants. Silver arches into his grasp, lifting one leg to pull Flint closer. Flint sucks at Silver’s neck, tempted to just fucking bite him. Leave a mark that will show everyone who Silver belongs to.

This time it's Silver who pulls away first. His face is flushed and his dick swollen against his jeans. Flint can hardly take his eyes off it but manages to drag his eyes upward. 

"Are you sure about this?" Silver pants. “Me coming home with you?” His eyes search Flint’s face.

"Yes." Flint tells him again. "Unless there's someone, family you have to be with." He pauses because he remembers then that Silver doesn't have any immediate family. He’s always been alone.

Silver shakes his head. "No, no holiday plans at all."

"Then yes, you're definitely coming home with me." 

“Then we better go before we just fuck and forget everything.” Silver sounds so decisive that Flint simply has to kiss him again.

* * *

The taxi ride is oddly quiet. Suddenly Flint is aware of what he's doing, taking Silver home with him, for Christmas, but Thomas had _said..._

He had texted Thomas to say they were on their way and Thomas had responded, 'Looking forward to it. xxx'.

Silver's phone buzzes and he pulls it out. After a moment he's like, “Well, shit.”

"What's wrong?" Flint looks at him quickly.

"Ahh, somebody got a shot of um, us backstage." Silver tilts his phone towards Flint. There is indeed a pic of Silver. It’s mostly Silver that's visible, but a corner of Flint's profile is there, and it's obvious that they're having an intimate moment. It was the moment that Flint had thought about kissing him. Silver's face is tilted upwards to him and all Flint can think now is.... _yes, I'm taking him home._

He looks up to see Silver watching him. "What about it?"

"Aren't you worried? About your privacy and everything?" 

Flint shrugs. "Not particularly." 

"Really." Silver sits back. "Huh."

"Did you think I would be?"

"Sort of. The tabloids can get pretty ridiculous."

Flint leans in. "I don't give a fuck what they say, as long as we know the truth." He reaches over to cup Silver's cheek.

"And that is?" Silver asks softly.

"That I love you and you love me." Flint says and kisses him.

* * *

By the time they get to the house, Flint's more than a little distracted and he pays the driver quickly and finally the man drives off and they're left there standing on the snow-covered pavement. Flint looks down at Silver, at the snow falling lightly upon his dark hair.

He reaches out and touches Silver's hair. "I'm sorry. For this morning. That I didn't stop you from leaving."

Silver shrugs. "I didn't think you would, to be honest."

"I know." Flint says, "That's why I regret it. That you didn't think I would." His hand slides down to brush his thumb along Silver's collarbone. "

Silver sucks in a breath as Flint leans down to kiss him. He doesn’t have the words right now. He’s very aware of coming home to Flint and Thomas’s home. But he’s trusting Flint here, that Thomas does indeed want him here. Or at least is tolerating his presence. 

“Let’s get inside.” Flint nods to the house and leads the way up the walk to the house. Silver follows, in a slight daze. It’s nothing like his journey here this morning, and yet there’s still a faint sense of trepidation. 

There’s a note standing on the kitchen table next to a bottle of wine and two glasses. Flint picks it up and reads it while Silver slips off his snowy shoes and leaves them by the door. 

Flint chuckles at whatever it says.

“What?” Silver asks, looking around the kitchen with keen interest. His gaze settles on the wine glasses. 

“Thomas stepped out for a bit.” He sets the note down again.

“What?” Silver says again. 

“I believe,” Flint says, “He’s giving us some privacy.” There’s a faint smile on his lips and Silver can’t help but respond. 

“Is that so?”

“Yes.” Flint leans in to nuzzle at his neck. “Shall we take advantage of the opportunity?”

“What did you have in mind?”

“I want to do what I wanted to do last night.”

“And what was that?” Silver whispers.

Flint reaches for his scarf, wrapping the end around his fingers. “I want to take off all your clothes and fuck you.”

This time Flint doesn't hesitate. He reaches for Silver and slides one hand under his sweater, teasing his left nipple until Silver moans.

"Stop teasing and fuck me." Silver murmurs.

"All right," Flint says. He pulls Silver's sweater off, tossing it on the sofa while Silver gets his pants off and throws them aside. Flint gives him a brief up and down before he slips his hand inside Silver's briefs and strokes him fully from base to tip. 

"Take these off as well." Flint says, his voice a subtle commander.

Silver shimmies out of his briefs and looks at him. Flint's gaze slides over him again, savoring the sight of Silver nude before him. Silver’s hair falls just below his chin and Flint catches a wave of it in his hands, curling his fingers until Silver moves closer, pressing a kiss to his chest.

In response Flint just picks him up, making Silver yelp with delight. His palms fit Silver's ass nicely as he carries him up the stairs to the bedroom. 

Any doubts he might have had about fucking Silver in their bed is assuaged by the Christmas card left lying on the pillow.

"What's that?" Silver follows his gaze. 

Flint shrugs and sets him down. "Open it." He's fairly sure it's for Silver anyway.

* * *

Silver reaches for the card cautiously. It's a snowy Christmas street scene. Inside there's a brief note. It simply says _Dear John, welcome. Merry Christmas. x Thomas._

He looks up at Flint with a smile and then sets the card carefully aside to save for later. 

Leaning up on his knees he puts his arms back around Flint's neck. "So?"

"So?" Flint puts his arms around him as well, simply holding them there.

"When are you going to fuck me?"

"Right now." Flint says.

"Good." Silver gives a little wiggle and flops back on the bed. "Come on then."

He's brazening it out to make up for the way his heart is beating out a terrified rhythm. Terrified that somehow this is all a dream. That he'll wake up and be alone in his hotel room, missing Flint like he's spent so many mornings before.

Flint undresses slowly, keeping his gaze on Silver. When he's naked at last he settles on the bed beside him, stroking a hand along his thigh, up his torso where he presses a kiss to Silver's chest.

"How many songs _did_ you write about us?"

Silver laughs “You’ll have to wait and see.”

"All right.” Flint says. "I will." With that he moves atop Silver, covering his body with his own.

Silver feels his chest against his own, Flint's heart beating in time with his. Just as rapid, just as hopeful. 

Flint kisses his way down Silver's chest slowly, taking his damn time, in spite of saying right now. Each press of his lips makes Silver harden a fraction more until by the time he reaches his cock, Silver feels like he could easily beg. 

He used to be good at that. It was easy to surrender to Flint. It’s been so long. 

Flint presses a kiss to his inner thigh, making Silver shiver faintly. And then he hovers slightly over Silver’s cock. His eyes lift to meet Silver’s. 

“Beg me.” He murmurs and Silver trembles from those familiar words upon his lips, the heat from them dancing over his cock.

“Please.” Silver whispers. 

Flint smiles and lowers his head. 

Silver arches up into his mouth with a soft moan. Flint merely lifts his legs over his shoulders, taking him deeper. He used to suck Silver’s cock for hours, well past the point when Silver was ready to come, simply teasing him until Silver begged for him to fuck him. He has a feeling Flint would like to do that tonight as well, but he suspects they don’t have time. Thomas won’t be gone _that_ long.

Instead Flint merely brings him to the brink and when Silver’s so very close, he draws off and sits back, drawing a deep breath.

“Now…what was that about fucking you?” His voice is a rasp and Silver leans up to crush Flint’s mouth against his, starving for his kiss all over again.

Somehow they get the lube out, and somehow Flint manages to take enough care to get him ready even if Silver’s impatient and tells him he doesn’t have to take *that* much care. Somehow they’re finally there with Silver gazing up at him as Flint thrusts into him. Somehow they’re in this moment at last and Silver can’t breathe for fear of waking from this dream.

And then Flint starts to move within him and it’s so familiar that all Silver can do is smile. Even in his wildest dreams, they’re not this good. Only reality feels like this. He cups the back of Flint’s neck, arching up to kiss him as Flint keeps thrusting inside him.

Flint draws back to gaze at him and there’s a look in his eyes that steals Silver’s breath away. He’s never seen Flint look like that before, never seen Flint show his love so openly. Flint rocks his hips slowly, leaning down to kiss Silver in slow, tantalizing motion as they come together in a heated rush.

* * *

Afterwards, lying cozily in bed, Silver’s barely aware of anything except the refrain in his hear. _He loves me, he loves me, he loves me._

Flint leans over and kisses his shoulder. “We get dressed, in case.”

There’s the sound of a door opening downstairs and Flint shrugs. “Well, in case of that.”

“I…” Silver starts to look around but all of his clothes are downstairs. Even his underwear. He stays put under the duvet.

“James? John?” A voice calls and Silver shivers faintly, in anticipation, at the sound of Thomas saying his name. _He knows I’m here_ , he thinks, _and I’m welcome._

“Up here.” Flint calls.

There’s the sound of footsteps on the stairs and then Thomas is in the doorway, smiling at them. “Hello,” He says cheerfully. “Merry Christmas.”

“Technically still, Christmas Eve.” Flint points out.

Thomas sighs. “You see what we have to put up with.” He has a giftbag in one hand.

We. Silver stares at him, utterly at a loss to say anything in response.

“Anyway,” Thomas says briskly, “You two better put some clothes on because the neighbors are definitely going around caroling and they’ll be here soon.”

“Can’t we pretend we’re not at home?” Flint protests, starting to reach for his clothes.

“No. We did that last year.” Thomas reminds him. 

“Where’d you go, anyway?” Flint eyes the bag in his hand curiously.

“Oh, I had to go get something for Silver.” Thomas says. “Sorry, do you prefer John, or Silver? I know James calls you both.”

“Either is fine.” Silver manages to get out. 

“Here.” Thomas hands the bag to him. “I truly did mean to get you something tasteful, possibly even musical, but um…I saw these and well, from…everything, James said in the beginning, for some absurd reason I thought…”

Silver opens the bag and pulls out a pair of joke briefs. There’s a lockbox on the crotch and a tongue licking down the ass. He looks up at Thomas as he starts to laugh, but Flint is already dying in the corner.

“What?” Thomas says, looking at him. “Don’t tell me you wouldn’t have gotten them.”

“It’s not that at all.” Flint shakes his head. “They’re perfect.” He leans over and kisses Thomas.

“Good.” Thomas says, squeezing his side. “Now, come on, get dressed.” 

Silver sits up a little more, still holding the briefs, as he clears his throat. “My clothes are all downstairs.”

“Ah, right.” Thomas smiles at him. “I’ll go and collect them, shall I?” He goes downstairs and Silver looks again at the underwear in his hands.

He looks up at Flint. “Is this really happening?”

Flint nods. “I’m afraid the carolers are real.” He leans over and kisses Silver. “Come on.” 

Thomas returns with Silver’s clothes and leaves him to get dressed. Flint goes down to start making mulled wine which is apparently a Christmas tradition. Silver gets dressed and joins them downstairs.

The Christmas lights along the street outside are bright and glowing in the dark December night. Silver pauses to look out at the view as Flint checks the wine and Thomas adjusts something under the tree. 

He looks up at Silver and smiles. “I’m glad you did that song.”

“You know.” Silver says. “So am I.” 

Flint comes in and joins them at the window and they watch the snow fall as the carolers make their way up the street.

Silver doesn’t tell either of them until morning that he’s wearing the briefs. It’s a perfect Christmas morning surprise. 


End file.
